Bad Luck Schleprock

You know...I've always considered myself a pretty fortunate person really. I had two parents who loved me very much. They raised me with good principals. And God really has been very good to me by giving me a home to live in, a job, food to eat and three beautiful healthy children, among other things. I've always had friends and I've usually been able to remain friendly with my ex's. Yet, there always seems to be a little rain cloud following me around. I can't explain it.

I've been dealing with depression since I was 16. It comes and goes and this year has been the most difficult yet. But now I've been thrown another loop and I don't really feel sad about it. Just shocked, I guess. And I feel very uncertain. Two weeks I went to the doctor for my annual pap exam and the results have came back. They have found cancer cells. Not your basic pre-cancerous cells that cause dyslacia, (which by the way, I've had twice), but the full grown, agressive cancer cells. My doctor is referring me to a special kind of OB/GYN that also deals with oncology. He's recommending an immediate hysterectomy.

I don't mind having a hysterectomy, but I've already been spayed and don't really have a use for that little baby basket anymore. But I am concerned if the cancer has mastasized.

I haven't told my children. And I just told my mother yesterday. I have told one of my e-mail groups and a few close friends. All the while that I've been sharing this information with others, I keep telling myself this, or I guess I should say, I keep thinking...this can't be real. I'm going to go to the doctor and they are going to tell me it's a mistake. Maybe I'm just hoping.

The doctor's office is supposed to call me back this week with an appointment with the specialist and I've got to have bloodwork down tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep smiling and keep laughing and playing with my children everyday. And tomorrow after the blood test, I'm going to go to a fancy restaurant and order myself my favorite desert in the whole world...creme brulee. :)