Fat Day

It's always interesting to see pictures of what I looked like, say...Six months ago...A year ago, two years ago. I have gained 20 pounds in the past year. My shrink says it's from depression. But I know damn good and well it's from my lack of sex. Okay, so maybe that's depression. I just can't help myself!

Inside, I'm still skinny. That is, until I try to pull my big ass cankle leg up to clip my toenails. Or until I try to pull that XXL body slimmer up my fat, globby thighs and attempt to get it to even reach that spare tire around my stomach and then I realize that the skinny woman inside me is so smothered by so much blubber, there's no hope for her. :(

I actually have a workout that I attempt to do at the Y, as well as exercise classes of Tai Chi, Pilates and Yoga. But the exhaustion that lasts for several days afterwards, usually makes me re-think how important it is for me to rest. So what choice do I have, but to eat something fattening and then go flop myself on my bed and read for an hour before taking a 2 hour nap?

And now of course, I have another reason why I'm so fatigued all the time. I have an appointment tomorrow with a OB/GYN that specializes in oncology. God only knows what she will have to say. Maybe they will tell me that I don't really have cancer. Maybe after doing an ultrasound, they will discover that really I have a long lost conjoined twin that never fully developed, living in my abdominal area. :) One can only hope. I'll finally have my 15 minutes of fame when they wheel me out of the delivery room, clutching the wee twin in a jar of formaldehyde. The fame of being a total freak!

Well, you do read about these strange things happening. Why not to me? I'd rather be known for the conjoined twin story, than as the woman who had a remote control found, molding away in her rolls of blubber, which is more likely to happen than the twin theory.

Okay, so before I have surgery, I'm hoping to take a week's vacation to Florida. I have the plane ticket covered, but now I'm trying to save enough for the place I want to stay. Luckily, I have been working overtime. My ex-husband has agreed to watch the kids, so I can have sometime alone. I'm still not feeling scared, just shock. I hope I never feel afraid. I know I can get through this. :)