A Wedding!

My cousin Machell has announced that she is getting married. Of course, I am very thrilled for her, but at the same time.......sad. She is my soul mate. Over the past several years, we have come to depend on one another very heavily. And now.....since her new relationship has began, I have only seen her once and talked to her a few times. I have a fear, that her new fiance will not like me. If that's true, I will no longer be allowed to corrupt her, with my evil mind, any longer.



She sent me an e-mail yesterday, announcing they have picked a day. The wedding will be in May, and the location is going to be in the Smokey Mountains. Not only have I been invited, but she has also asked me to do the honors of making her wedding cake, and helping with the other little things. I, of course, am MORE than thrilled to this for them. She and I began discussing a menu, and that's when she told me that "mints and nuts, with the cake, would be fine". She knows better than to do that to me! She knows me better than this, doesn't she? If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's a "mints and nuts" wedding reception!



Since her new beau is of the Cr0-Magnon/cave man family, I have decided to do something small, yet elegant, consisting of a lot of MEAT. There will only be a handful of people invited, so I was thinking of maybe serving various hors d'oeures, including a meatball pyramid. :) It was during my menu scheming, that I remembered the last two weddings that I had coordinated for her family. I sheepishly reminded her of these two events and the comment that she had made to me after the last debaucle. She claims to have forgot about this particular comment, but when I reminded her, she laughed hysterically.



Back in June of 1997, Machell's beautiful sister Jane got married. As far as the wedding dress, which I designed, it was perfect. The flowers were beautfiful too, however, I got a little carried away with Jane's bouquet and it was heavier than I would have liked, but it was still gorgeous. Everything seemed to be going so well. But let me tell you about the CAKE. It was a white cake, with a declicious rasberry filling. The icing was also white, but I decorated it with starburst lillies, ivy, little roses and fresh strawberries. The cake was very fresh, because I baked and decorated it, the morning of the big day. The wedding was in the evening, so I knew I had plenty of time to do everything.



As evening was approaching, I was told to take the cake out to the church, which was about 10 miles away and in the middle of the Deliverence country. Then, I was to come back to the house, pick up our gowns, and go back to the church for the wedding. Now, at this time, I was still married to my ex-husband. We get into the car and I hand him the cake, which was already stacked layer upon layer and in a large box. We then began our drive. Since I was familiar with the winding Kentucky roads, I took the wheel and instructed him to hold the cake and no matter what, don't move! As we are driving, I looked over and saw him moving this box, according to which way I was turning the car. Needless to say, a shouting match ensued, and he announced, that if the cake was screwed up, it was all my fault because I was a "lunatic" and driving like Mario Andretti.



We made it to the church, just as it was starting to rain and I'll be damned if the the building was locked. There was no way I could leave this cake there, so we had to go back to Jane's house with more winding roads, more yelling and by the time of the wedding itself, I was a bawling my eyes out, because this stacked cake had been tilted by a maniac man, who wouldn't listen to me, and the layers were now sliding off of each other. (BTW, we still bicker over this incident, years later, and even though we are now divorced.)



Somehow, I managed to piece this sorry-ass looking cake, (with rasberry filling oozing out of it), back together, and attempted to make it look as if it were a wedding cake and not a fruit cobbler. Everyone said it was delicious, but I was forever damaged by it.


A few years later, obviously having lost some of her brain cells, Machell announced that her baby brother, Lance, had just finished basic training. He was coming home to get married before he was shipped down to Texas for more training. " It's just going to be a simple wedding" she said. Like hell.....



The bride was a stick figure. I managed to find a beautiful ivory sheath dress for her and she looked wonderful in it. That took care of the dress. I ordered the flowers and picked them up the day before the wedding and proceeded to begin my trip South. My first mistake was that I didn't have time to make the icing before leaving Indiana. I called Machell and asked her if she knew of a cake supply store or a bakery, where I could purchase the supplies I needed to make the cake and icing. She wasn't sure, but I felt pretty confident, that within the major metropolis of Bowling Green, there must certainly be such a place, somewhere, where I could purchase quality icing. (I mean, people DO get married in Kentucky all the time and certainly there would have to be a supply house that could cater to my needs.)


The day of the wedding arrived. A tank of gas, lots of yelling and threats of my suicide on the wedding altar itself, I finally found a bakery that was willing to sell me a 5lb. vat of icing. This was 3 hours before the wedding ceremony.



We get back to Machell's and in just three hours, I made a bouquet for the bride, decorated her hair with fresh flowers and then retreated to the kitchen, where I stayed, decorating this cake, while the ceremony itself, was taking place in Machell's living room. I finished just in time for the bride and groom to come in, and pose for a picture of them slicing into my masterpiece. At that point, I retreated to the bedroom, where I sat on the end of Machell's bed and broke down crying, AGAIN. Not only had I missed the ceremony, but I had literally turned into a monster in the process, treating people like I was Martha Stewart and they were worthless apprentices.



So here's the funny part. As I sat bawling on the edge of her bed, Machell comes in and kneels down on the floor next to me and makes the COMMENT. She said, "Well, I guess this is how all of our weddings are going to be, with you in the kitchen at the last minute, screaming and frantically trying to put together the wedding cake, while we have to go on without you." I'm very surprised that since I have reminded her of this, that she hasn't called me back to ask me NOT to come, after all. Who knows? Maybe she will come to her senses and tell me tomorrow when I met her for lunch in Sellersburg, Indiana. :P