Completely forgot

Sadly, despite numerous requests from various family members, I haven't blogged in years.  I wasn't even sure if this blog was still around, but then I found it!

I don't know if this will become a regular thing, but I think it might become therapeutic.

Almost two years?

Wow! I had completely forgot about my blog on this website. I just happened to come upon someone else's site on blogger and found mine. Then I looked at the date and realized that it's been almost two years since I last posted something here. Where the heck have I been?

Well I'll tell you. Mostly I've been posting to Yahoo 360. Then I started a MySpace account and posted there too, although not as much here lately. Because Yahoo 360 is so screwy, I followed some of my friends over to Multiply too. Thus, somewhere along the way, I forgot about this blog, which was actually the beginning of all my blogging. So much has transpired over the past couple of years, I'm not even sure where to begin. Let's just say that although my life has had a few detours, everything is now moving in a better direction than when I first logged onto this site.

I'm happy, healthy and enjoying my children all the more every day.

In September, I will be cancer free three years! What a blessing that has been. My kids are older, we've moved out of our old house and I'm in a whole new profession, so things are definitely changing for the better. :D

I know that not too many people come to this site, but I think I will come by more often to visit and blog.

Long time no read!

I realize I haven't posted here in a while. Mainly that's because I've been so busy posting to my Yahoo360 account. But, my life is still the never-ending soap opera of weirdos and freaks. :) My ex boyfriend Phil has been pissed at me for over a year since I stopped being his concubine and in his anger, told his fruit broad persona information about me and she then of course, has attacked me in her blogs, as well as her friends.

At first, it really bothered me, but now...I could care less. Probably because I see that there is no possible way I could ever have a future with him and even if the opportunity were to present it's self to me, the answer would be no.

So...I've moved on, have found someone else to love and am looking forward to him returning from Iraq in December, so I can begin a new chapter in my life. A one of love and much happiness!

Weird Sh!t

Sometimes, I have days where I just don't understand the meaning of life. Today is one of those days. The kids and I got up this morning and went to mass as usual. We went out to Sunday dinner at the China Buffet and came home. My son Dylan was to give a performance at church today and I was supposed to have him there at 2:30. So, I set my alarm for 2:20 and laid down for a nap. I don't know what happened, but I didn't wake up until 3:10. Talk about feeling like an ass!


I knew he had another performance at 6, and my ex said that he would drive him there. But the bad news was that in order to see our own son perform, we were going to have to buy tickets and there weren't any left. :( So, I missed seeing him perform. I tried to convince myself that there was a reason, or several of them, as to why I had overslept, through the alarm. I've developed anemia since my surgery and even though I take my vitamins, I'm still tired. I guess it doesn't help matters that I worked a double shift yesterday either.


And then....my mental status has REALLY been tested this past week. A few days ago, I forwarded a mean e-mail that I received, (about Ann Coulter), to an ex-boyfriend of mine. This e-mail came from an author that he and I both like. I knew that he was madly in love with Ann, so I sent it to him, to be funny. He sends a message back to me, that said he was broken hearted and that he had a dream about me the previous night. So, I sent him another e-mail, questioning whether he was broken hearted over the nasty view I had forwarded him, or because he had a dream about me. He never answered. What's so strange about all of this, is the night he supposedly had this "dream", I had stayed up looking at pictures of us and was missing him terribly. Karma? I doubt it. I don't believe in Karma. Well...maybe, but I'm not sure.


So, just out of missing him, I decide to run his sign-on name on Google and it showed all of these "singles" boards that he belonged to and get this....about three of them were for mail order brides from the Philippines! Please don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to him marrying someone from another country or even of another race, but there's just something about the whole "mail order" thing that makes my stomach turn. And not just because it's him, but for anyone who does it. I've heard stories about this barely legal girls being brought over and used for sex slaves, etc., and I'm wondering, why? Why would he be on one of these lists? Is he desperate? Supposedly he has another girlfriend, (possibly fiancee), that he's living with. I reminded myself that I met him on a singles board, but after seeing pictures of these girls, I literally felt sick to my stomach. Why does this bother me so much?


To make matters worse, while I was working my double shift last night, one of the dispatchers came by to visit an officer that has been on light duty and working the desk with me. She's a really nice lady and quite funny. She knows my another ex-boyfriend of mine (who is the father of my two youngest children) and decided to share information with me about him. I knew that he was seeing one of the dispatchers at MECA, but he's been doing a hell of a lot more than just seeing her, and apparently it involves more than one woman at a time. It involves him getting some girl on girl action. Again, I am completely repulsed by all of this. Why? Why do I give a shit what these two ex-boyfriends do? Every time I think of them, I want to run and take a hot shower and scrub my body with a loofah sponge.



I don't know what has got into me over the past few days, but all of this being tired and finding out weird, perverted shit about my ex's has really put me in a depressing mood. It didn't help matters that, as I walking down to visit my mom tonight, I fell on the ice and split my hand open. I'm off to another hot shower and then to bed. This week is going to be fun filled, no matter what. My kids are off from school for Christmas break and I get to be with them ALL week!! I'm determined to enjoy every minute of it. :)

A Wedding!

My cousin Machell has announced that she is getting married. Of course, I am very thrilled for her, but at the same time.......sad. She is my soul mate. Over the past several years, we have come to depend on one another very heavily. And now.....since her new relationship has began, I have only seen her once and talked to her a few times. I have a fear, that her new fiance will not like me. If that's true, I will no longer be allowed to corrupt her, with my evil mind, any longer.



She sent me an e-mail yesterday, announcing they have picked a day. The wedding will be in May, and the location is going to be in the Smokey Mountains. Not only have I been invited, but she has also asked me to do the honors of making her wedding cake, and helping with the other little things. I, of course, am MORE than thrilled to this for them. She and I began discussing a menu, and that's when she told me that "mints and nuts, with the cake, would be fine". She knows better than to do that to me! She knows me better than this, doesn't she? If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's a "mints and nuts" wedding reception!



Since her new beau is of the Cr0-Magnon/cave man family, I have decided to do something small, yet elegant, consisting of a lot of MEAT. There will only be a handful of people invited, so I was thinking of maybe serving various hors d'oeures, including a meatball pyramid. :) It was during my menu scheming, that I remembered the last two weddings that I had coordinated for her family. I sheepishly reminded her of these two events and the comment that she had made to me after the last debaucle. She claims to have forgot about this particular comment, but when I reminded her, she laughed hysterically.



Back in June of 1997, Machell's beautiful sister Jane got married. As far as the wedding dress, which I designed, it was perfect. The flowers were beautfiful too, however, I got a little carried away with Jane's bouquet and it was heavier than I would have liked, but it was still gorgeous. Everything seemed to be going so well. But let me tell you about the CAKE. It was a white cake, with a declicious rasberry filling. The icing was also white, but I decorated it with starburst lillies, ivy, little roses and fresh strawberries. The cake was very fresh, because I baked and decorated it, the morning of the big day. The wedding was in the evening, so I knew I had plenty of time to do everything.



As evening was approaching, I was told to take the cake out to the church, which was about 10 miles away and in the middle of the Deliverence country. Then, I was to come back to the house, pick up our gowns, and go back to the church for the wedding. Now, at this time, I was still married to my ex-husband. We get into the car and I hand him the cake, which was already stacked layer upon layer and in a large box. We then began our drive. Since I was familiar with the winding Kentucky roads, I took the wheel and instructed him to hold the cake and no matter what, don't move! As we are driving, I looked over and saw him moving this box, according to which way I was turning the car. Needless to say, a shouting match ensued, and he announced, that if the cake was screwed up, it was all my fault because I was a "lunatic" and driving like Mario Andretti.



We made it to the church, just as it was starting to rain and I'll be damned if the the building was locked. There was no way I could leave this cake there, so we had to go back to Jane's house with more winding roads, more yelling and by the time of the wedding itself, I was a bawling my eyes out, because this stacked cake had been tilted by a maniac man, who wouldn't listen to me, and the layers were now sliding off of each other. (BTW, we still bicker over this incident, years later, and even though we are now divorced.)



Somehow, I managed to piece this sorry-ass looking cake, (with rasberry filling oozing out of it), back together, and attempted to make it look as if it were a wedding cake and not a fruit cobbler. Everyone said it was delicious, but I was forever damaged by it.


A few years later, obviously having lost some of her brain cells, Machell announced that her baby brother, Lance, had just finished basic training. He was coming home to get married before he was shipped down to Texas for more training. " It's just going to be a simple wedding" she said. Like hell.....



The bride was a stick figure. I managed to find a beautiful ivory sheath dress for her and she looked wonderful in it. That took care of the dress. I ordered the flowers and picked them up the day before the wedding and proceeded to begin my trip South. My first mistake was that I didn't have time to make the icing before leaving Indiana. I called Machell and asked her if she knew of a cake supply store or a bakery, where I could purchase the supplies I needed to make the cake and icing. She wasn't sure, but I felt pretty confident, that within the major metropolis of Bowling Green, there must certainly be such a place, somewhere, where I could purchase quality icing. (I mean, people DO get married in Kentucky all the time and certainly there would have to be a supply house that could cater to my needs.)


The day of the wedding arrived. A tank of gas, lots of yelling and threats of my suicide on the wedding altar itself, I finally found a bakery that was willing to sell me a 5lb. vat of icing. This was 3 hours before the wedding ceremony.



We get back to Machell's and in just three hours, I made a bouquet for the bride, decorated her hair with fresh flowers and then retreated to the kitchen, where I stayed, decorating this cake, while the ceremony itself, was taking place in Machell's living room. I finished just in time for the bride and groom to come in, and pose for a picture of them slicing into my masterpiece. At that point, I retreated to the bedroom, where I sat on the end of Machell's bed and broke down crying, AGAIN. Not only had I missed the ceremony, but I had literally turned into a monster in the process, treating people like I was Martha Stewart and they were worthless apprentices.



So here's the funny part. As I sat bawling on the edge of her bed, Machell comes in and kneels down on the floor next to me and makes the COMMENT. She said, "Well, I guess this is how all of our weddings are going to be, with you in the kitchen at the last minute, screaming and frantically trying to put together the wedding cake, while we have to go on without you." I'm very surprised that since I have reminded her of this, that she hasn't called me back to ask me NOT to come, after all. Who knows? Maybe she will come to her senses and tell me tomorrow when I met her for lunch in Sellersburg, Indiana. :P

Brunhilda/Battle Axe

I know I rant on here frequently, so please bear with me. I'm so angry right now and I just HAVE to get it out. As many of you know from my previous posts, I am friends with my ex-husband and he lives next door to me. He frequently helps me with not only our son, but with my children from another relationship. A couple of years ago, my ex-husband became involved with this woman. I say woman, but she is really is a girl in my eyes, because of her intense level of immaturity. At that time, he was 40 and she was 22. The age difference really didn't bother me and at first, I liked her. But as time went on, she grew jealous of our friendship. And then, she grew jealous of my ex's relationship with our son, Dylan.


She had two daughters, one of which she gave birth to whenever she was 13 and other one when she was 20. And she wanted my ex to accept them as his. Well...if they were going to married, I was okay with that, as long as he didn't forget his responsibility to Dylan. They would frequently go out with her girls to the movies, to dinner, wherever and leave Dylan behind. Dylan would see them leaving and sometimes he would run outside and ask them if he could come and they would always say, "Oh, there's not enough room" or "Next time". Dylan was devastated. He stopped going over to his dad's entirely and when they were together, Dylan would act coolly towards him and then his dad would get mad and call him names. (Talk about immature. To make a long story short, they broke up. The first time, she said it was because of me. She didn't like that I called my ex to come and help me with things like when I needed him to snake my toilet or to hang a heavy picture up for me, etc. She also didn't like that I asked him to do things with just our son spend some quality time with him.


So then they get back together and announce they are getting married. Dylan is just sick over it. To the point where he's literally vomiting and crying and I have to go pick him up from school. So my ex is stuck watching her children all the time, while she works and spends time with her friends. He gets tired of it after he finds out that she's seeing someone else and he gives her $3,000 to move out of his house, buys her a new bedroom suit and a couch. This other guy that she is dating, turns out to be a convicted felon and is on the sexual predator file. He steals her car, crashes it, (which my ex paid to get fixed for her) and she had taken my ex's cell phone and gave it to this loser guy to use, and he ran it up to over $200. After the crash and his arrest for running from police, her oldest daughter, who was 9, tells her that this man has been molesting her. So, she gives her oldest daughter to her grandmother to care for and gives the baby to her ex-boyfriend, who is the father and runs way to Kentucky.




So my ex declares that he's had it, doesn't want anything to ever do with her again and sits Dylan down and reassures him that she will no longer be a part of his life. Then...he starts going away every other weekend. I ask him where he's going and he says that he's going "to the riverboat to gamble". And then I start seeing her around again. Three weekends in a row, she spends the night at his house and I ask him what's going on and he says, "Well she owes me money and she's just paying me back". So she has to spend the night at his house? Now, don't get me wrong, I really don't care who he's dating, but I do care about my son and his feelings, you know what I mean?



Now for the finale...yesterday my ex takes Dylan and three of his friends to celebrate his birthday. And guess who he brought to join them? HER! They borrowed my van to take everyone in and didn't get home until around 9:30 p.m. So Dylan comes through the door crying and goes to the bathroom. I follow him, and in marches my ex, yelling. I ask Dylan what's wrong and he said that he was upset because his dad had brought this woman to his birthday party and he was embarrassed because he had told all his friends that his dad was not seeing this woman anymore and now his friends were calling him a liar. So then my ex proceeds to tell me that he "smacked Dylan" because he was disrespectful towards this woman. This "smack" occurred in front of Dylan's little pals. So more embarrassment. Dylan continues crying and saying that he didn't care that his dad hit him, he's hurt because his dad has been lying to him for months. Get this...my ex says, "Well how does it feel to be lied to Dylan?" "You lied to me last week about doing your homework." I turned and looked at him, incredulous that he would even have the audacity to say something like this to a kid. I then pulled him aside and pointed out that he is 42 years old, and is the father of this little boy and should try to be a better role model. I also pointed out that Dylan never asked to be born, but that since he was here, it was his responsibility to be a man and be honest with his son.



I also informed him that while he was gone, I went over to his house, to look for the DVD jacket of a movie he borrowed and that I noticed his kitchen trash was over-flowing. So I thought I would be nice and take it out for him. What should be right on top of the trash, where Dylan could have seen it, but a pregnancy test. I had salvaged this from the trash and confronted him with it, out of Dylan's view and reminded him of a conversation that we had not even one week ago, where he said that he NEVER wanted to have a child with this woman because she was irresponsible and didn't take care of the two that she has and that Dylan didn't need to worry because he "wasn't having sex with her anyway." When I point blank asked him what "this" (while holding box from pregnancy test) was all about, he got all defensive and said, "I just wanted to make sure." So I then reminded him of the conversation in which he told me he wasn't having sex. He got all flustered and started yelling at me and asking me why was I in his house, blah, blah, blah. THEN, he marches back into the bathroom and yells at Dylan again and says, "I'll just for over and break it off with her right now, will that make you happy?"



I talked to Dylan and told him that I was sorry that his daddy had lied to both of us. That little boy cried himself to sleep last night. Never in my life have I dreamed of turning into Brunhilda and going over to his house and screaming opera, while stabbing him with a spear! Please Lord, let there be such a thing as KARMA!

April

Pain relieving memories...

The day before my surgery, I was in Kentucky, visiting my favorite cousin and doing my favorite thing. Walking in the creek near my grandmother's farm. It's beautiful, peaceful and is part of my therapy, when it comes to my life. I love it.


I never really gave much thought to the name of the creek itself, "Snake Creek". I knew it had a reputation in the past, (we're talking 80 years ago) for having hordes of snakes, piled up on the banks and swimming in great swarms in the water, but I had never seen more than 3-4 snakes, tops, in all my years of going there. As I carefully walked along the peaceful water, I remember making a comment to my cousin, Machell, how in less than 24 hours, I would be recovering from my surgery and I wanted to have this moment, of the gentle water, the sun shining, the sounds and smells all around me, to remember as visuals, which help get me through the recovery process. Around this time, Machell pointed out a large frog corpse, lying on it's back, near the creek bank. Being the morbid person I am, I walked towards it to see the most beautiful jewels of color, with it's white foamy mouth around the frog's head. It was a FREAKING snake! A poisonous copperhead, at that! After snapping above photo and a few others, I quickly moved on down the creek, enjoying the vegetation, the rocks (fossils and geods) and all the other blessings around me. After deciding to turn around and head back, we once again saw the snake/frog homicide scene and of course, Machell had to point out that the snake was making progress on the frog and that you could actually "see the frog jiggling from the force of the snake swallowing it." Why the hell did she have to say THAT?! It's bad enough that I have a memory like an elephant, but it's like a video memory and I always remember all the little details of things, especially the ones I do not wish to remember.


So...We move on and edge closer to the other side of the creek. Once again, Machell has to beckon me over to "look at this". Sticking it's not-so-wee, triangular shaped head out from under a rock, was another damn copperhead, this one, being a baby. With that, the decision was made to abandon the creek. When did my beloved creek become so overrun with damn snakes? Is it the same thing for snakes, as they say for roaches? If you see one, are there are 10 more living in your walls?


Sad. Truly sad. And now, ever since this little "incident", and under the spell of pain relieving narcotics, I have been having nightmares about snakes. And this is a rather sad thing for me. I really do have a great deal of respect for snakes and think that many of them are beautiful. But now, I'm allowing my psychosis of dreams to take over. This is the creek where I play with children for God's sake!

Sigh....oh well. My pain pills are running out and hopefully, the dreams will leave with the residue as it leaves my system. :)