Hurt

I'm not sure how to even begin this post...I have a friend. Or, I did have. Dawn and I grew up together. My mom and her grandmother were best friends. My mom once told me that the first time Dawn and I were ever in the same room together, I was three weeks old and she was one week old. Her parents had brought her over to see them and my mom happened to be there with me.

As little girls, we were inseparable. My favorite memories are of making mud pies together and picking moss off a garage behind her grandma's house, to decorate them with. Another time, she and I were across the alley from my house, playing with dolls under a neighbor's tree. We were wearing sun suits of the same pattern, because my mom and her grandmother both sewed and shared them. Rather than going inside to use the bathroom, we decided to pee outside. The only problem, was that we couldn't get the sun suits buttoned again. So we decided to go au natural. :) Needless to say, a neighbor saw us and called my mom and her grandma. We both got whipped, all the way home with switches and Dawn has always reminded me that I had a shorter walk home, than she did.

There have been many times when we were at odds, especially in Junior Highschool, where she often turned against me with her newer, cooler friends. She would deny that she was my friend by day, even to my face at school. But then in the evening, after we were off the bus and walking home, suddenly, she would be my friend again. And this really hurt. Two years of living hell. When one of her new best friends had told a group of people that the reason I missed two days of school was to have an abortion, they looked to her for confirmation and when she didn't deny it, everyone thought it was true. I even had a teacher approach me about it and tell me that I was a "waste of a human being" for what I had done. At that point, I had no idea what she was even talking about. I went home, bawling my head off, clueless as to what people were talking about at school. That night, Dawn came down to my house and sat on the edge of my bed and told me, what her friend, had done. When I asked her if she denied it, she looked at me and said, "Well I didn't really know." I couldn't believe that she would say that! I had been off to have three wisdom teeth cut out. Yes, I was only 13 and the youngest patient the oral surgeon had ever had to have them come in at that age, but she knew where I was. How could you not see my swollen jowls or my family laughing at me over my chipmunk face? She actually said to me, that her dad told her that there was no way I could have wisdom teeth at such a young age, so she allowed people to say these hideous rumors about me.

I pointed out that I had never even had sex yet. She would know if I had because I would have told her about it. I never hid anything from her! Even when I knew that there were many times that whatever I told her, she would run and tell other people. But throughout ALL of this, I was her friend. I forgave her and took her back.

In High School, things changed for us and became better at times. When her doped-up-ass dad would no longer provide for her and her mother didn't want her, and her grandfather threw her out of the house at 14, I begged my family to please allow Dawn to come and live with us. My dad finally relented and suddenly, I was willing to give up my sanctuary for her. When she moved in, she literally drew a line down the middle of my bedroom for her side and my side. I shared everything with her, including my clothes. She was selfish with her belongings and if I suggested to borrowing anything, such as clothes, she would point out how fat I had become, even though I saw a size 9, just like her. If I wanted to listen to her stereo, she would accuse me as scratching her records.

And then there were the guys. I cannot tell not tell you how many times, I would have to break up with her boyfriend for her. Even to the point of nearly getting beat up by one of them. And after doing her dirty work, she would go back to the guy and tell them that she had "no idea why April said all those things". I protected her and she often referred to me as her bodyguard. I saved her ass from countless attacks of teenage boys and once from a much older guy named Kirk who had her in a hotel bathroom, trying to rape her.

She was in the delivery room when Dylan was born. I made her his godmother. We went to Europe together.

This past Tuesday, someone entered her home and stole her boyfriend's money and pot, along with his pipes. They then went up to her bedroom and stole her pot too. She is blaming me, because there was no visible forced entry and I had a key to her house. First of all, I don't smoke pot. I haven't smoke it since I was 16 and accidentally smoked some really bad pot that unbeknownst to me, was laced with PCP and I tripped so bad, that I said I would NEVER smoke pot again and I haven't. Secondly, although I know where her boyfriend keeps his money box, (out in their living room), I do not know where he keeps his pot or his pipes to smoke it. I also don't know where she keeps her weed. I offered to make the police report for her. Of course they don't want to make one because of the weed being stolen.

She claims that a set of keys were stolen out of her purse and that was probably how I got into the house. Why would I steal her keys, out of her purse, if I already had a set?

And finally, she claims that the old lady across the street, a six year old child and another neighbor, saw me at her house between 10:00 and 10:30 on Tuesday when this was supposed to have happened. I WAS at her house on Monday, between 10 and 10:30, knocking on her door, to tell her that I would be late coming over to go swimming. When she didn't answer, I left, got into my van, did a U-turn and proceeded to pick up my mother and take her to the doctor. THAT was when I saw all three of these "Witnesses" had seen me go up onto her porch.

I have pulled up my cell phone transactions to prove that on Tuesday, I was late going into work because I was sick. I have proof from work to show my time of arrival of 10:15 a.m. and my cell phone call at 10:07, to tell them I was running late. I've also pulled up my credit card history and printed it off to show her that I bought my plane ticket to Florida, before their money was stolen.

Why am I doing all of this? Because in 34 years, I have never taken anything from her. And it HURTS that she would blame me, simply because I have a key to her house. And that she would take the word of the above three people, who DID see me on Monday, but not on Tuesday.

I have even made arrangements with the department to take a polygraph when I get from vacation. Once the results are back, I am going to give her the report. Will I get an apology? Probably not. But I want to have the gratification of proving her to be a fucking idiot in front of everyone.

Hotter than HELL

Could it possibly be any more Hell-like? I was driving down 65 South around 3 p.m. to pick up out late lunch today and as I passed the Church of Acts, I saw they had a sign outside that showed the time and temperature and it was freaking 95 degrees! The kids and I waited until as late as possible to get into the oven on wheels to go swimming, but they were still covered in sweat when we got there.

So we swam for about an hour and a half and then headed home and I swear as we passed that same church again, I saw Satan himself swimming in the lake outside of it. :) And guess what? It's going to be freaking HOTTER tomorrow.

Of course, since it's my only day off during the week, I will have the privilege of being a chauffeur all day. Starting at 5 a.m., I get to drive to the airport and pick-up my son and ex-husband, who are flying in from California. Then, I get to take my mom clear up to 104th street to the doctor, right at peak time (11 a.m.) when lily-white ass people like me should not be out in the sun. (How do I get wrangled into these things?) And then there is Andrew, who has an ear infection and sometime during all this mess, I have to make an appointment for him too. Let's not forget that I have to be at the Dr.'s at 3.

I'm not sure what to wear during this all of this outdoor exposure, besides of course, sunscreen and I don't think anyone would appreciate it if I ran around in a bathing suit all day. (GROSS!) So...I guess I will go ahead and crawl off to bed and sleep on the matter and deal with this issue in the morning. In the meantime, I will pray for a freak snow storm tomorrow mid-day. :)

Bearded Goat Woman

I'm not sure what it is, whether it's my heredity, age or some strange malfunction from within, but I have noticed that since I've entered my 30's and especially since the birth of my last child, almost 4 years ago, that I have an abundance of goat hair. From stiff whisker like protusions that need to be delicately, yet painfully extracted with tweezers, to soft baby fine hairs that are blond and you don't even realize are there until they are 3 inches long, to the hair forming on my upper lip, that within a month's time frame, looks as if I'm growing a Fu Manchu. What is the freaking deal????

Missing the Boy

This past week, my 11 year old son Dylan has been away at Boy Scout camp. I'm glad that he went. This was his first year as an offical Boy Scout, after 4 years of being a Tiger Cub, Bear Cub, Wolf Cub and then a Webalo. His dad and I went down to pick him up and of course, we were late getting there. This was an interesting trip in itself, as the whole time, my ex-husband talked about my funeral and asked me if I had a living will. WTF? Give me a chance to have a hysterecomy buddy! I knew there was a reason why I've always referred to him as the "Grim Reaper".

As we pulled up to the camp, Dylan came running across the campground, arms waving and wearing a huge smile. He actually hugged me and let me kiss him in front of his friends. (He must have missed me.) He was dirty, he stunk and he had a 4 inch deep cut around his neck. The cut, as if turns out, camp from veering off a horse trail and getting stabbed/scraped by a tree branch. Some other horses behind his became spooked and thereby caused Dylan's horse to start running. Rather than pulling back on the reins, he turned to the left and went through some trees. The good part, (and of course I'm so proud of him) is that he didn't fall off one time! Woo-hoo! We stayed for the closing program and awards ceremony and then took our stinky boy home. His Scout leader, (who was also reeking of BO) told us that he did really well and had earned a few more awards/ranks, whatever they are. He also told us that Dylan had been homesick the first night and he talked things over with him and that seemed to calm him down. (Awww...poor Dylan.) But it didn't really help that two days later, Dylan burned his fingers while cooking over an open fire, or that it rained the whole time he was there. He did give a good imitation of Forrest Gump talking at the rain in Vietnam, on the way home.

So after bringing the stinky boy home, he took a shower, went to bed and then the next day, he and his dad went to the BMV and an state I.D. for him. I took them both to the airport this morning. Now he is in California with his daddy for a week.

I know he is having a good time, as he will get to spend time with his grandma and grandpa, who always send him home with money and an extra suitcase filled with new clothes and toys. And if that's not cool enough, he has an aunt and uncle that work at Disneyland, so every time he goes out there, he gets to for free. Now this year, in addition to the Disneyland perks, he has two cousins who work at Knotts Berry Farm and Thunder Mountain. What a cool week! And of course, dad and his uncle Lowell have promised to take him to the beach and teach him how to surfboard. And knowing his grandma like I do...I'm sure she is cooking/feeding him, whatever his heart desires. :) She's a good grandma!

I'm just really missing him because I've never been away from him this long. I know he's having fun and that's important to me, but I can't help but missing "the boy". I love you Dylan!

Fat Day

It's always interesting to see pictures of what I looked like, say...Six months ago...A year ago, two years ago. I have gained 20 pounds in the past year. My shrink says it's from depression. But I know damn good and well it's from my lack of sex. Okay, so maybe that's depression. I just can't help myself!

Inside, I'm still skinny. That is, until I try to pull my big ass cankle leg up to clip my toenails. Or until I try to pull that XXL body slimmer up my fat, globby thighs and attempt to get it to even reach that spare tire around my stomach and then I realize that the skinny woman inside me is so smothered by so much blubber, there's no hope for her. :(

I actually have a workout that I attempt to do at the Y, as well as exercise classes of Tai Chi, Pilates and Yoga. But the exhaustion that lasts for several days afterwards, usually makes me re-think how important it is for me to rest. So what choice do I have, but to eat something fattening and then go flop myself on my bed and read for an hour before taking a 2 hour nap?

And now of course, I have another reason why I'm so fatigued all the time. I have an appointment tomorrow with a OB/GYN that specializes in oncology. God only knows what she will have to say. Maybe they will tell me that I don't really have cancer. Maybe after doing an ultrasound, they will discover that really I have a long lost conjoined twin that never fully developed, living in my abdominal area. :) One can only hope. I'll finally have my 15 minutes of fame when they wheel me out of the delivery room, clutching the wee twin in a jar of formaldehyde. The fame of being a total freak!

Well, you do read about these strange things happening. Why not to me? I'd rather be known for the conjoined twin story, than as the woman who had a remote control found, molding away in her rolls of blubber, which is more likely to happen than the twin theory.

Okay, so before I have surgery, I'm hoping to take a week's vacation to Florida. I have the plane ticket covered, but now I'm trying to save enough for the place I want to stay. Luckily, I have been working overtime. My ex-husband has agreed to watch the kids, so I can have sometime alone. I'm still not feeling scared, just shock. I hope I never feel afraid. I know I can get through this. :)

Bad Luck Schleprock

You know...I've always considered myself a pretty fortunate person really. I had two parents who loved me very much. They raised me with good principals. And God really has been very good to me by giving me a home to live in, a job, food to eat and three beautiful healthy children, among other things. I've always had friends and I've usually been able to remain friendly with my ex's. Yet, there always seems to be a little rain cloud following me around. I can't explain it.

I've been dealing with depression since I was 16. It comes and goes and this year has been the most difficult yet. But now I've been thrown another loop and I don't really feel sad about it. Just shocked, I guess. And I feel very uncertain. Two weeks I went to the doctor for my annual pap exam and the results have came back. They have found cancer cells. Not your basic pre-cancerous cells that cause dyslacia, (which by the way, I've had twice), but the full grown, agressive cancer cells. My doctor is referring me to a special kind of OB/GYN that also deals with oncology. He's recommending an immediate hysterectomy.

I don't mind having a hysterectomy, but I've already been spayed and don't really have a use for that little baby basket anymore. But I am concerned if the cancer has mastasized.

I haven't told my children. And I just told my mother yesterday. I have told one of my e-mail groups and a few close friends. All the while that I've been sharing this information with others, I keep telling myself this, or I guess I should say, I keep thinking...this can't be real. I'm going to go to the doctor and they are going to tell me it's a mistake. Maybe I'm just hoping.

The doctor's office is supposed to call me back this week with an appointment with the specialist and I've got to have bloodwork down tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep smiling and keep laughing and playing with my children everyday. And tomorrow after the blood test, I'm going to go to a fancy restaurant and order myself my favorite desert in the whole world...creme brulee. :)